by This is a Pastoral Counseling simulation based on the Crossroads movie where I select Bruce as my caregiver and move him through the Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling process.
Phase 1 – Get the Present Story
Ministry Context
I have recently retired from the corporate world where I was normally part of the executive team. I have been an active member of the same church for over twenty years but my travels and corporate world kept me from being serious. I am now the Director of Fun in Fellowship at our church and should be ordained later this year as a Deacon.
Bruce is my care-seeker who has come to me because his wife unexpectedly died in what was originally classified a car accident, but recently found out that it was because of street racing and Justin was the street racer involved that killed his wife and daughter.
Guiding Purpose Statement
Seeking to be an imitator of Christ, I am committed to become a loving pastor. Currently, I am a follower of Jesus Christ striving to be more like him by living a sinless life, loving God, loving other people, and spreading the Gospel. Loving is the type of person I want to be most as it is the Great Commandment. My calling is to be a pastor responsible for the spiritual care and guidance of a congregation. Nichols states, “The direction of our lives is shaped by God’s invitation and call to follow him as reflectors of his glorious image.”[1] “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Eph. 2:10, NASB 2020).
Rapport and Relational Alignment
Bruce is a “C/S” as he tends to be more passive, and task focused which is a high “C”. He is also shy, steady, and submissive. Bruce does not look to be the center of attention. He is the sole source of income for the family which keeps him focused on the economic well-being of the family as Cindy takes up the emotional slack being a stay-at-home mom.[2] For the “C/S” description, Carbonell states, “You like people on an individual basis and most people tend to regard you as a good friend, but you don’t seek to be the center of attention. . . You also don’t feel people want you to be a clown or silly. . .You just want to be your humble, quiet, and compliant self.”[3] In some instances, Bruce’s sons might need to push him to move forward. Carbonell explains, “You are more passive and slow about moving forward. You like to plan your work and work your plan.”[4]
Bruce (C/S) and I (D/C/S) share two of my three strong traits of “C & S”.[5] When counseling Bruce (shortly after finding out about Justin) regarding forgiveness, I will need to make sure that my high “D” does not push Bruce too fast, and I will rely on my high “C & S” to help mirror his “C/S”. I will mention that my “Superpower” is forgiveness because of everything I have had to forgive growing up. This will be my method of building rapport with Bruce, but I need to avoid the “Fixing It” communication trap. Petersen states, “Fixing is a dominant and dangerous inclination. It damages listening by wrenching the problem away from the talkers, cutting into their confidence.”[6] From a conflict management perspective, I expect people to make a decision and Bruce is a high “C” which might prevent him from moving forward initially. I will need to make sure that I match his pace. Petersen explains, “Match Pace -Reflect the pace of the talker. . .We prefer keeping things moving on our schedules, after all, ‘time is of the essence.’”[7] I will tap into my “S” and move at Bruce’s pace with genuine empathy.
Nichols points out that caring for others helps give us strength and purpose. This is helpful to remember when counseling Bruce. Nichols states, “When I deal with men and women in counseling who are depressed, I generally encourage them to begin caring for the needs of others. It is amazing what happens to us when we change the focus from our deficits to the needs of others.”[8] In regard to forgiveness, I need to remind Bruce about what the Word of God says. “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matt. 5:44, NIV). By the end of the second session, Bruce should move from a blaming behavioral position to a willing position.
Phase One Distinctive Features
The primary goal for phase one is to get an accurate description of the problem. To do this, my chief aim is to be an active listener. I will apply Petersen’s listener for a horrific loss technique, “Listen and make a safe place for people to talk out their disruption and heal.”[9] I will be empathetic to the situation as he grieves the loss of his wife and daughter while not being able to forgive Justin for killing them. I might notice that Bruce might not realize that the origin of his problem is a lack of forgiveness as stated by Clinton and Hawkins in their reference guide.
Listening is very important. When listening to Bruce, I am sure his grief and anger will sometimes get the best of him to where we will need to use Petersen’s listening technique number 5, alternate feelings and thoughts. Petersen states, “Don’t let talkers stay focused too long on either their feelings or their thoughts, that is, their stomachs or their heads. Carefully move them back and forth between the two.”[10a] This will be especially important when he finds out about Justin and that the police are not doing everything they can about it.
He will probably be starting in a blaming position which is like a statement that is in the quick-reference guide, “Unforgiveness is a state of resentment, bitterness, hatred, hostility, anger, fear, and stress toward an individual who has transgressed against another in some way. Unforgiveness is a cancer that eats away at the very soul of a person.”[10b] I will then use a couple of the questions from the guide, “What have you already tried to do to help you forgive?” and “What does God say about forgiveness?”[11] Of the nine guiding assumptions, number one and number eight are most applicable. For number one, I will listen attentively as he tells his story, interrupting only to note strengths and capabilities. Number eight is the observation of Bruce moving from blaming to willing.[12] Bruce might be stuck for a while but at some point, he should acknowledge that God is active and I will identify a few coping skills from some of his exceptions of when he was not angry and in pain.
It is unfortunate how complex Bruce’s situation is as there are numerous life changing events for Bruce all at once and I am sure he might move at a different pace for each one. The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling has a chapter for “Grief and Loss”, “Depression”, and “Forgiveness” which are all applicable to Bruce as he deals with the loss of his wife and daughter and discovers Justin’s involvement as well.[13]
Phase One Marker
Bruce will ask me what I think of the situation, which is an invitation to join the conversation, and a marker that we are moving out of phase one. I will internally debate if I am the right fit for Bruce. If so, I will confirm with him that we would both be dedicated to working together with the Holy Spirit and God the Father.
Phase 2 – Develop the Preferred Story/Solution
Rapport and Relational Alignment
I will continue to build rapport with Bruce by lowering my “D” and relate to my “C/S”. Because I am a “D/C/S”, my DISC profile states, “You tend to feel like you can do just about anything to which you put your mind.”[14] This is something I will need to be sensitive to as I want to be an active listener and ensure that Bruce owns the problem and comes to a picture of a better future with his goals and not mine. For Bruce, I will need to monitor his anxiety about moving forward as Carbonell states about his “C/S”, “You often feel nervous about moving forward without sufficient information.”[15] The miracle question should help Bruce as he will be able to answer his own questions with me actively listening to assist with the creation of goals.
Phase Two Distinctive Features
The primary goal for phase two is goal formation and my chief aim is to collaborate with Bruce on constructing them. When collaborating, I need to make sure that I do not take over the conversation with my questions as Petersen states, “Questioning can be misused. More often by men, though sometimes by women, questioning becomes a license to take over a conversation from the talker.”[16] To get to goal formation, I will use the miracle question to have Bruce see a better future. I want Bruce to see an alternate reality with new possibilities. I will guide Bruce through the creation of a picture in his mind where he has totally forgiven Justin. I will keep him focused on what he will be doing differently.
Bruce might slip back into blaming position so I will need to be attentive to make sure we get back to a willing position. Kollar’s Guiding Assumption number three, Finding Exceptions Helps Create Solutions, will be important for this phase as Kollar explains, “The counselee will also begin to enjoy a renewed sense of personal control over what had been perceived as a situation that was out of control.”[17] Assumption number nine, “If It’s Not Broken, Don’t Fix It”, will be instrumental in getting through this phase as I want Bruce to stay focused on what a better future will look like by identifying solutions. We will be using this assumption to make sure we pass the “common sense test”. When we identify what has been working since the last session, we will want to do more of that and include that in the better future picture. Kollar states, “Look for what God has already placed into the counselee’s life that is working, and do more of that.”[18]
Supportive Feedback Break
With the supportive feedback technique, I will mention to Bruce that, “It takes two to reconcile but only one to forgive.”[19] This should comfort Bruce to know that forgiveness is in his control. I will likely mention some of the definitions and key thoughts from the Quick Reference Guide including, “does not diminish the evil done against you, nor is it a denial of what happened. . . does not take away the consequences the other person will face because of his or her sin.”[20]
Phase Two Marker
I will be comfortable moving to the next phase when Bruce can picture in his mind what a better future will look like and can explain it in enough detail for me to see it as well. It will be important for me to ensure that Bruce includes God in this picture along with a goal. This future will need to have Bruce with a healthy self-image and without blame. There are three essential components to a healthy self-image which consist of a sense of belonging, worth, and competence.[21] This will indicate to me that he is in a willing position and ready to move to Phase Three.
Phase 3 – Clarify and Execute the Action Plan
Rapport and Relational Alignment
I will continue to build rapport with Bruce by lowering my “D” and relating more to my “C/S”. My DISC profile states, “You tend to overuse your dominance and competence.”[22] I will want to be an active listener and keep Bruce on track to make decisions on goals as his profile states, “You make your final decisions slowly.”[23] Bruce is has a lot of experience in creating action plans because of his construction profession and his profile should assist with him staying on track with the action plan because of his personality profile discusses earlier.
Phase Three Distinctive Features
The primary purpose for phase three is to clarify and execute an action plan. The goal is to continue to clarify the goal from the last phase to where actions are identified and executed towards attaining that desired end state. When collaborating, I need to make sure that I meet Bruce’s intensity as Petersen states, “Ramp up your emotional intensity to within two points of the talker’s. That doesn’t mean matching a specific emotion like anger, but rather keeping your emotional engagement level near the talker’s.”[24] The chief aim is to execute an established action plan. Moving from goal formation to an action plan might be difficult for Bruce but I will keep collaborating with Bruce on clarifying the goal and reducing it into small, specific, action-oriented, positive, and pragmatic terms.[25] To measure progress, we will use scales which will also help formulate measurements of success. Kollar states, “Besides being used as a way to track forward motion, scales can be used at any point in the counseling interview to fit the counselee’s personal situation. Once the individual conceptualizes his track, solution-focused questions can be used to clarify the goal.”[26] I will be attentive to make sure Bruce stays in a willing position.
Supportive Feedback Break
With the supportive feedback technique, I will monitor to make sure there has not been a any setbacks. If so, I will normalize the setback and consolidate the gains to where it is two steps forward but only one step back.[27] Kollar states, “the counselor will ask about changes that have been helpful; highlighting these changes by asking for details; supporting change as meaningful; consolidating these changes; and then starting over, asking what other changes have been helpful.”[28] Nichols states, “We often make one of two mistakes: we forgive too quickly (without being hones about the depth of the hurt we’ve experienced) or too late (harboring resentment that leads to the poison of bitterness).”[29]
Phase Three Marker
I will be comfortable moving to the next phase when Bruce and I have created an action plan and Bruce has executed the action plan with progress being made using scales. It will be important for me to ensure that Bruce includes God executing this plan and monitoring the progress made because of Him. Kollar’s Guiding Assumption number nine, “If It’s Not Broken, Don’t Fix It”, will be instrumental in getting through this phase as I want Bruce to stay focused on executing the action plan. The third tenet, “If it’s not working, do something different,” states, “It may be the counselee’s own paradigm that blinds him to other options.”[30] This is will be used as we keep identifying, executing, and re-identifying new actions to be executed.
Food for Thought
If Bruce decides to change his behavioral position from willing to blaming, then I will continue to remind him of the goal and what we can do to achieve that goal through an action plan. I will remind Bruce about the supportive hand of God whenever Bruce relapses back into a blaming position. The authors state, “Ask God to help the client love the offender. It is said that any action that is not motivated by compassion is sinful. Since those who transgress are often lost, broken, or hurting, even the one who was wronged can feel pity and compassion for the offender.”[31] God can work miracles and Bruce might be able to forgive Justin if he can have unlimited compassion for Justin and see where it goes as he works the action plan.
Phase 4 – Connect Care-seeker to Community
Rapport and Relational Alignment
I will continue to build rapport with Bruce by lowering my “D” and relating more to my “C/S”. My DISC profile states, “You feel that people depend on you for guidance and direction.”[32] I will be an active listener and remind Bruce that a strength of his states, “You don’t care as much about being popular as you do about doing things well.”[33] By connecting with the community, Bruce should be stay in the willing behavioral position and I will continually monitor and make every attempt possible to keep him there.
Phase Four Distinctive Features
The primary purpose and chief aim for phase four is to connect Bruce to community. The goal is to consolidate and support the changes through the search of connecting well. Kollar states, “To consolidate these positive changes, the use of consolidating questions (O’Hanlon and Weiner-Davis 1989) can be helpful.”[34] To connect well to community, Bruce will need to make sure that his motivation levels are balanced correctly. Petersen states, “To keep our operating energies in peak mode, a management expert said that sixty percent of our time should be spent on primary motivation activities.”[35] The motivation activities will be around him taking accountability and connecting to a community and possibly a small group ministry as many people have experienced loss and need to forgive others.
Supportive Feedback Break
Within the quick reference guide, I will encourage Bruce to commit to forgive publicly. Kollar states, “Tell your family and/or friends about your decision to forgive. By disclosing your forgiveness to others, you will be held accountable to your decision to forgive the transgressor.”[36] To provide Bruce with encouragement, I will remind him that God is with him and has a purpose for him. Nichols states, “When we realize that God, the Master Artist, has fashioned our appearance, talents, and personality, we see ourselves through his eyes!”[37] This is where I will also arrange accountability, so Bruce is involved with a church ministry or small group.
Phase Four Marker
When Bruce starts being accountable, stays in a willing position, and is moving forward on his journey with God, I will know that it is time for us to start considering disengagement from the counseling sessions. It is important that Bruce knows God is active in his life through the Holy Spirit. Kollar’s Guiding Assumption number nine, “If It’s Not Broken, Don’t Fix It”, will be something I will remind Bruce of. The second tenet, “Once you know what works, do more of it” states, “Look for what God has already placed into the counselee’s life that is working, and do more of that.”[38]
Food for Thought
The book of Hebrews states, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Heb. 10:24-25, NIV) This is a reminder that we need to fellowship and encourage each other daily. Pathways to promise is an organization that helps support those healing and recovering through a specific community. The Small Groups website and community provide everything needed for someone to create a small group if there is none already established locally. Soul Care Ministries International (SCMi) is another option if someone wants more formal personal counseling or life coaching. All of these are great connectors to be offered during phase four with any counselee.
** Note from Professor – Great job! You seem to have a good grasp on the material. – Dr. Richard Nichols
Bibliography
Carbonell, Mels. How to Solve The People Puzzle. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources, 2008.
“Case Study – Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness.” Class handout in PACO 500 at Liberty University, Lynchburg, VA, Spring 2023.
Eriksson, Cynthia. “Three C’s of Pastoral Counseling.” School for Pastors, January 5, 2015. YouTube Video, 6:34, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBfnKM7xb28.
Kollar, Charles Allen. Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011.
Nichols, Ken. Masterpiece. Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Press, 2017.
Petersen, James C. Why Don’t We Listen Better?. Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022.
“Professional/Leadership Uniquely You DISC Profile,” Uniquely You, last accessed March 4, 2023, https://uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/365600.
Yeagley, Larry. “Pastoral Counseling: The Art of Referral.” Ministry Magazine, September 2002. https://www.ministrymagazine.org/archive/2002/09/pastoral-counseling-the-art-of-referral.html.
[1] Ken Nichols, Masterpiece (Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Press, 2017), 85.
[2] “Case Study – Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness” (class handout in PACO 500 at Liberty University, Lynchburg, VA, Spring 2023).
[3] Mels Carbonell, How to Solve The People Puzzle (Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources, 2008), 73.
[4] Ibid., 74.
[5] “Professional/Leadership Uniquely You DISC Profile,” Uniquely You, last accessed March 4, 2023, https://uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/365600.
[6] James C. Petersen, Why Don’t We Listen Better? (Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022), 159.
[7] Ibid., 167.
[8] Nichols, Masterpiece, 69.
[9] Petersen, Why Don’t We, 179.
[10a] Ibid., 52.
[10b] Tim Clinton and Ron Hawkins, The Quick-Reference Guide to Biblical Counseling (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group, 2009), Forgiveness.
[11] Ibid.
[12] Charles Allen Kollar, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 80.
[13] Clinton and Hawkins, The Quick-Reference, Contents.
[14] “Professional/Leadership”, https://uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/365600.
[15] Carbonell, How to Solve, 168.
[16] Petersen, Why Don’t We, 89.
[17] Kollar, Solution-Focused, 70.
[18] Ibid., 83.
[19] Clinton and Hawkins, The Quick-Reference, Forgiveness.
[20] Ibid.
[21] Nichols, Masterpiece, 84.
[22] “Professional/Leadership”, https://uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/365600.
[23] Carbonell, How to Solve, 168.
[24] Petersen, Why Don’t We, 168.
[25] Kollar, Solution-Focused, 138.
[26] Ibid., 132.
[27] Ibid., 161.
[28] Ibid., 165.
[29] Nichols, Masterpiece, 71.
[30] Kollar, Solution-Focused, 84.
[31] Clinton and Hawkins, The Quick-Reference, Forgiveness.
[32] “Professional/Leadership”, https://uniquelyyou.org/profilesystem/report/365600.
[33] Carbonell, How to Solve, 169.
[34] Kollar, Solution-Focused, 158.
[35] Petersen, Why Don’t We, 206.
[36] Clinton and Hawkins, The Quick-Reference, Forgiveness.
[37] Nichols, Masterpiece, 45.
[38] Kollar, Solution-Focused, 83.